Strategy for When Reality Does Not Equal Expectations

The vision doesn’t match the reality. It’s a universal human experience, never so much more collectively felt than when we all have to stare down the same huge giant as we did with the pandemic.

What can I do when I plan and imagine and dream expectantly of a future event, status or life stage, but the reality has left a lot of my checkboxes unmarked?

Here’s how I handle it.

• My first reaction, depending on the severity of the differences might be to feel disappointed, cheated or sad. I at least feel some kind of loss and need for adjustment.
  

• I feel a need to redeem the lackluster results and so I go looking for positives. Sometimes that is productive and I find hidden positives and some negatives that I can creatively convert to positives. Sometimes it is a real challenge.

• Persist.

• I realize I can’t “delete” the unexpected circumstances or turnouts and “insert” or “copy/paste” what I want there. (Yes, this is really how my techie brain works!) I give myself grace when I know I have hit a wall and must accept whatever has rolled out before me.

• Make changes—sometimes I make changes to my plans and sometimes to the outcomes. I change what I can. I like to use that option!

• Communicate if people are involved in whatever didn’t work out as planned. When appropriate, I share my feelings, expectations and hopes. Sometimes that is not appropriate or possible. Sometimes forgiveness or understanding is the best option. Sometimes the best conflict resolution is to resolve to not have the conflict – just drop it—dismiss it. There’s a lot of power in these choices.  

• Keep dreaming and planning. Prayer and faith helps me sort out and put the disabled segments in the past and find new things to look forward to. I magnify what has been salvaged from “Things That Didn’t Turn Out As Planned”. I examine the different facets in different lights and from different angles. I reluctantly (admittedly, sometimes very reluctantly) learn a new normal.